Dear Brain,

I'm not sure if you're aware, but it's 2:34 in the morning. Just kidding, it's now 2:35. We've been up and at 'em for the past 17 hours now. Unfortunately, I've literally been on the verge of unconsciousness all. Day. Long. Even after coffee. Even after a two-hour nap four hours after I woke up. Even after Mountain Dew. Even after two cups of tea. I've been exhausted. Now, it's 2:35--just kidding! 2:36!--and we're super duper awake, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to go!

Yay!

This is really cool, brain. I love being up with you at 2:36. You think of so many cool things at this time! Like, I can't even express to you how much I enjoy stressing out about my future! When all I really want to do is curl into the fetal position and sleep, what I actually desire most is to ponder every infinitesimal aspect of my life that could go spiraling out of control at any minute. There is nothing I love more than worrying about how much debt I'm going to be in, or about my grueling schedule next semester, or about how I have no idea what I'm going to be doing when I graduate in two years. This is truly great, brain. I feel so much better-prepared to conquer my life now that I've sat in bed for two hours worrying about it! Gosh, worrying is just so useful!

And, you know, Googling all sorts of random, pointless information at 2:41 a.m. is incredibly useful, too. I was genuinely curious as to why I only have weird dreams when I'm at home as opposed to at school. I feel so much better now that I've been assured that, yes, "inordinate" does mean what I thought it did. Thank you so much for providing me with the lyrics to that one country song I heard on the radio three days ago. What a cultured, educated individual I am now!

Dear Brain, I'm so glad that we get to have this quality time together at 2:45 in the morning. Thanks again for your companionship. I can't wait to spend a solid half-hour more with you as I count HUNDREDS OF SHEEP.

Love,
Dani